I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
