i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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