I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
