I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
