coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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