filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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