the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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