The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
