his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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