I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Randomize
