I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
