Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize