i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
