All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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