I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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