i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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