So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
