Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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