just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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