so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
