Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Where is the hickey?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
