what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Randomize
