A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
