the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
