i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
