I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
