her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
