is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
She even gives head with a lisp.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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