i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
