eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
