best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
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