I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
