Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
