just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
