she pinky promised me she was 18
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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