can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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