Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
