the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
