Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
