VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
