Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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