Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
