Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
