just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
