R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
