Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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