had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
