I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
