i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
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the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
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Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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