evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
