if only i could text you this smell
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
