This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
