Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
do nipples grow back?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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