K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
