Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
