Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
