"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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