It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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