i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
