bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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