Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
