I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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