I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
