I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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