I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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