guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
