Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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